Raising Phil Donahue

I was just thinking about what a wonderful, thoughtful, sensitive son I raised. My period just started, and I didn't have anything to deal with that, so I sent him out to my car to get my emergency stash in the console. He said, "Sure," and didn't even make a face or nasty comment.

"You done something right, Mami!" I thought.

Then he came in with 2 tampons, grimacing, and said, "You didn't tell me they wouldn't be in the box." He handed them to me and WIPED. HIS. HANDS. On his jeans.

WTF? They're still in the wrapper! "It's not like these have been in my vagina!" I said.

"Please stop," he said.

"VAH-GI-NAAAAAA."

"VAGINAAAAAAA," I sang.

"Please. Stop."

"Clitoris, labia, VUUUUUULVAAAAA!"

Oh well, if I can't raise him to be a sensitive male, I'll settle for desensitizing him. He did point out that he didn't go wash his hands. It's true.