Who Thinks This Shit Up?

What is the difference between these tampons "For Active Livestyles," and the tampons they make for women who sit on their ass all day? Seriously, what?

It must be these brilliant little inspirational sayings on the wrapper. 

What the hell would a lazy woman be able to do with wisdom like this:

"Go with your gut."

Is going without my gut an option, because I choose that!

"Keep a clear head."

Eh, no thanks.  I prefer my brain on tequila.

"Just go."

That one's a winner! I think I'll save those to hand out to the men who hit on me at the bar.

I do appreciate the fact that these babies have a "quiet" wrapper.  The last thing I want when I'm sitting on the pot in the little girls' room is to have the woman next to me know I'm unwrapping something.  I wouldn't want her to think I might be, shhhhh!  Menstruating.  Now, if they could only package Doritos with quiet bags.  I was mortified the last time I got caught eating those in the ladies' room.