Sunday, June 26, 2011

Awkward Vibrations

Someone has been messing with my vibrator!

I opened my happy drawer, to uh, just check on everything, yeah, to check, and when I tried to turn on my vibrator nothing happened. "Oh, holy hell! I muttered to myself, "I just changed the batteries two weeks ago." I ran down the hall, grabbed a couple of AA's and returned to my bedroom.

When I opened that bad boy up I noticed the batteries were in backwards.


So, I turn them around and the thing springs to life, except that I can't turn it off. The only way to make it stop vibrating is to take the batteries out, or, if I'm trying to be stealth about it I turn the suckers around. I put them in backwards. Just like some sneak has done.

Now the only question is, who?

I can't imagine any reason my husband would be touching my vibrator. I mean, maybe if I try I can imagine something, but I don't think that's it. That leaves only one other scenario. One of my teenage daughters has been in my happy drawer, and if that is the case, Oh. My. God.

It took me until I was in my forties to even admit I owned a vibrator, and now the only thing more mortifying to me than having my teenage daughters discover them (and "play" with them! Oh, and yes, I did say, "them.") is the time my husband came home early when I was using one. Yeah, that sucked!

He could have totally saved me if he had flown into the bedroom, ripped off his clothes, and jumped on top of me, but no. What he did was worse. He left the bedroom door shut and didn't say a word. Nothing. Not to this day. I know he knows. He knows I know he knows. We just pretend it never happened. However, I have taken to telling him about some of my solo adventures since then, which is a BIG step for me.

But what to do about my daughters? I guess I won't say a word. That and get a padlock for my happy drawer!


  1. Talk about a case of "whodunnit" that you don't really want to solve.

  2. I don't give a shit who. As long as he's working for me. lol!

  3. Oh wait. Wrong post. LOL!! Yeah, I'm not asking any questions.

  4. Teach me to drink and answer comments.